When the boss schedules a meeting for Friday at 3:00 PM,
Mandatory attendance,
It can't be good news.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Great Speech on Jan 20, 2009
My fellow citizens:
I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.
Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered.
Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met. On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction. This is the journey we continue today.
We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.
The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.
The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet.
We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.
And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.
It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.
At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].
"America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come.
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
God bless you,... and God Bless America.
I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.
Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered.
Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met. On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction. This is the journey we continue today.
We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.
The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.
The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet.
We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.
And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.
It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.
At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].
"America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come.
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
God bless you,... and God Bless America.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lose Lots Of Weight Real Fast
Want to lose a lot of weight real fast ?
http://tinyurl.com/LoseWeightRealFast
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wost Person Ever ???
Who was Thomas Midgley, Jr ?
Only the human who caused the greatest pollution to the Earth.
See these sites... OMG, what a well meaning smart idiot.
http://tinyurl.com/Thomas-Midgley
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Midgley,_Jr.
There's a lesson to be learned here...
It's up to YOU to learn what it is.
Only the human who caused the greatest pollution to the Earth.
See these sites... OMG, what a well meaning smart idiot.
http://tinyurl.com/Thomas-Midgley
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Midgley,_Jr.
There's a lesson to be learned here...
It's up to YOU to learn what it is.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Magnetic North, Again
Back to Henry Hudson.... See what magnetic North looks like in 1990.
http://tinyurl.com/9r88pr
http://tinyurl.com/9r88pr
Welcome Maggie !!
Maggie Faye Wilson
arrived at 12:13 PM on Jan 13th, 2009.
6 Lb's, 14 Oz's
19 Inches
She's quite the cute kid, and Everyone is doing fine.
You can see her at http://www.tinyurl.com/MaggieFayeWilson
- Grandpa Chuck
arrived at 12:13 PM on Jan 13th, 2009.
6 Lb's, 14 Oz's
19 Inches
She's quite the cute kid, and Everyone is doing fine.
You can see her at http://www.tinyurl.com/MaggieFayeWilson
- Grandpa Chuck
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Trains
An Old Thought from wayback...
"Be cautious when you're in a dark tunnel and you suddenly see a light. It may not be an exit, it may be an oncoming train."
- Unknown
"Be cautious when you're in a dark tunnel and you suddenly see a light. It may not be an exit, it may be an oncoming train."
- Unknown
Red Clay near the Black Hills of South Dakota
An excellent story from the Sioux out by the Black Hills of South Dakota.
The Legend of the Red Clay
My Grandfather once told me a legend about the mystic red clay that surrounds the Black Hills (PAHA SAPA).
One evening as we were having our evening meal, Grandfather was sitting with his eyes closed, and then he began to speak... The Black Hills was considered the center of the universe when it was created by the Great Spirit. All creatures that lived in the sacred hills spoke the same language.
Peace and harmony existed. But as time passed, the creatures realized that the Great Spirit had given them all their own free will. Eventually, greed came to them. Some wanted to rule over the others and be like the Great Spirit. The arguments got worse and even fighting occurred. Peace and harmony was no longer among them.
The Great Spirit saw this and came to speak... I have created and given you all free will. To settle your disputes I have decided that all of you will race around the Black Hills for seven days. The one who wins this race with good intentions will be the leader.
The great race began and all creatures from the largest to the smallest were running, flying, even swimming. And as they ran, some with greed were fighting and blood was flowing. Many ignored their bleeding hooves, paws, gills, and wings as they ran over the broken ground.
As the days passed there was a great red path around the Black Hills from the blood of all the creatures. And as the last day arrived it was the great buffalo who was running first. But the buffalo didn't know that a magpie was riding on its back.
As they neared the end, being rested, the magpie flew on ahead and finished first and cried, "I am the leader!" All creatures saw that the magpie had cheated and squabbling occurred among them, each claiming to be the leader of the race.
The Great Spirit saw this and spoke to them... You have been fighting and showing hate for one another. For this you will go separate ways and you will never speak or understand each other again.
To the magpie he said...you have cheated and were not fair to the others. For this you will forever eat from the droppings of the others.
To the buffalo he spoke...with a good heart you have raced for this. I bestow upon you an honor. From this clay stained with your blood I create man. All creatures but you will be afraid of him. You great buffalo will provide him with food, shelter, clothing, and tools and he in turn will praise and honor you
Once when man returns to the earth, grass will grow from him and you will eat.
~ As told to Leonard Little Thunder in 1957 by his Grandfather, Frank Comes From War, as told to him by his Grandfather in 1900.
From http://www.siouxpottery.com/stories.php
The Legend of the Red Clay
My Grandfather once told me a legend about the mystic red clay that surrounds the Black Hills (PAHA SAPA).
One evening as we were having our evening meal, Grandfather was sitting with his eyes closed, and then he began to speak... The Black Hills was considered the center of the universe when it was created by the Great Spirit. All creatures that lived in the sacred hills spoke the same language.
Peace and harmony existed. But as time passed, the creatures realized that the Great Spirit had given them all their own free will. Eventually, greed came to them. Some wanted to rule over the others and be like the Great Spirit. The arguments got worse and even fighting occurred. Peace and harmony was no longer among them.
The Great Spirit saw this and came to speak... I have created and given you all free will. To settle your disputes I have decided that all of you will race around the Black Hills for seven days. The one who wins this race with good intentions will be the leader.
The great race began and all creatures from the largest to the smallest were running, flying, even swimming. And as they ran, some with greed were fighting and blood was flowing. Many ignored their bleeding hooves, paws, gills, and wings as they ran over the broken ground.
As the days passed there was a great red path around the Black Hills from the blood of all the creatures. And as the last day arrived it was the great buffalo who was running first. But the buffalo didn't know that a magpie was riding on its back.
As they neared the end, being rested, the magpie flew on ahead and finished first and cried, "I am the leader!" All creatures saw that the magpie had cheated and squabbling occurred among them, each claiming to be the leader of the race.
The Great Spirit saw this and spoke to them... You have been fighting and showing hate for one another. For this you will go separate ways and you will never speak or understand each other again.
To the magpie he said...you have cheated and were not fair to the others. For this you will forever eat from the droppings of the others.
To the buffalo he spoke...with a good heart you have raced for this. I bestow upon you an honor. From this clay stained with your blood I create man. All creatures but you will be afraid of him. You great buffalo will provide him with food, shelter, clothing, and tools and he in turn will praise and honor you
Once when man returns to the earth, grass will grow from him and you will eat.
~ As told to Leonard Little Thunder in 1957 by his Grandfather, Frank Comes From War, as told to him by his Grandfather in 1900.
From http://www.siouxpottery.com/stories.php
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Penguins Again....
So there were these two penguins sitting on an Iceberg...
Think about it for a second, what would that look like?
Do (Can?) penguins even sit?
Or should it say... There were these two penguins standing on an Iceberg.
What is the proper phrase for two or more penguins just staying in one place for quite a while?
Are they sitting, or standing, or , or.., or what ?
Sorry, just a random thought on Penguins.
Oh, and I do like the colors... does it help them survive from seals , aka , Sea Lions ?
Black on top when they swim, so it's hard to see them from above against the black bottom of the ocean,
and white on the bottom, so if you're under them and looking up, they get lost in the sun light and ice above?
Humm.... sounds like a good concept for a PHD Thesis .
Think about it for a second, what would that look like?
Do (Can?) penguins even sit?
Or should it say... There were these two penguins standing on an Iceberg.
What is the proper phrase for two or more penguins just staying in one place for quite a while?
Are they sitting, or standing, or , or.., or what ?
Sorry, just a random thought on Penguins.
Oh, and I do like the colors... does it help them survive from seals , aka , Sea Lions ?
Black on top when they swim, so it's hard to see them from above against the black bottom of the ocean,
and white on the bottom, so if you're under them and looking up, they get lost in the sun light and ice above?
Humm.... sounds like a good concept for a PHD Thesis .
Penguins Again
I have some friends who like Penguins, but to me... Well, nice color combination, but man it must be COLD down there.
Anyway...
There are these two penguins standing on an Iceberg, and one says,
"It looks like you're wearing a Tuxedo."
and the other one says,
"How do you know that I'm not ?"
Anyway...
There are these two penguins standing on an Iceberg, and one says,
"It looks like you're wearing a Tuxedo."
and the other one says,
"How do you know that I'm not ?"
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Compass
OK, So I was sitting behind a Jeep Compass and since the red light was longer than 10 seconds, I started to think of compasses.
A compass does not point the way. It simply points towards the North and the South when it's calm.
Shake the heck out of it, and it points every which way till you stop shaking it. Now it would be nice to have something that is constant and consistent. Especially in these wild times.
Oh, and it doesn't even point NORTH, it points to a location in North Eastern Canada.
Wow, that must have really messed with Henry Hudson's navigator. When they got there,
and Henry thought he was at the North Pole, his navigator used the sextant to 'shoot the sun' and found out that they were really only around 82 North, 110 West. So then Henry Hudson said, "Bay !!" , like a sheep.
And that's how it got it's name... Hudson's Bay !! ( Just Kidding.... )
Anyway, getting back to the compass. Steady, Consistent, ... nice job if you can get it.
A compass does not point the way. It simply points towards the North and the South when it's calm.
Shake the heck out of it, and it points every which way till you stop shaking it. Now it would be nice to have something that is constant and consistent. Especially in these wild times.
Oh, and it doesn't even point NORTH, it points to a location in North Eastern Canada.
Wow, that must have really messed with Henry Hudson's navigator. When they got there,
and Henry thought he was at the North Pole, his navigator used the sextant to 'shoot the sun' and found out that they were really only around 82 North, 110 West. So then Henry Hudson said, "Bay !!" , like a sheep.
And that's how it got it's name... Hudson's Bay !! ( Just Kidding.... )
Anyway, getting back to the compass. Steady, Consistent, ... nice job if you can get it.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Jack
Jack has got it made in the shade with lemonaide.
Depression approaching like a run-away freight train. Lot's of opportunity, lots of chaos.
Good luck, Jack !
Depression approaching like a run-away freight train. Lot's of opportunity, lots of chaos.
Good luck, Jack !
The Perfect Recipe - and Science
OK, I won't tell you about when we ( Chuck, Philip, and Kenny) caught some frogs, cut off their legs and toes,
skinned them, and cooked them in a small messs kit pan with a lid, over a small fire. The trick is to keep the lid on so when the muscles contarct with the cooking, that they don't 'hop' out of the pan.
then you eat each one, which is only a nibble, off the small leg bones. They taste just like chicken, which years later gets you thinking that maybe frogs, chickens, and hence dinosaurs are all related.
See, told you there was some science in here.
skinned them, and cooked them in a small messs kit pan with a lid, over a small fire. The trick is to keep the lid on so when the muscles contarct with the cooking, that they don't 'hop' out of the pan.
then you eat each one, which is only a nibble, off the small leg bones. They taste just like chicken, which years later gets you thinking that maybe frogs, chickens, and hence dinosaurs are all related.
See, told you there was some science in here.
Christmas Story
Why do I like "A Christmas Story" ?
It's easy, really, ... it reminds me of my youth.
I, like thousands of others, was a little kid like Ralphie, beset by fears of bullies, thoughts of the perfect theme in school, and not sure, till we saw it, that your tongue would stick to the below zero medal post. Plus, most all of us had, and dreamed of having, a BB Gun.
Ralphie, of course, had the perfect BB Gun. Red Ryder, who's sidekick was Little Beaver, an early pair like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. And of course a Compass in the stock ( that probably always pointed towards the barrel, so what good was that? But, Wow!, a Compass! and a thing that told time. A sundial branded into the stock, and if you pointed the 12 O'clock at Noon, and put a stick at the center hole, would tell you the time on a sunny day. Every boys dream back in the 1950's.
If you ever want to make a cool million bucks, just write a story about the times of your youth, and everyone your age will want to buy a copy. And someone who makes movies will buy the rights to your story, for a song, and make even more money. Perhaps you should become a movie maker. Or a video game maker.
Thousands of possibilities.
It's easy, really, ... it reminds me of my youth.
I, like thousands of others, was a little kid like Ralphie, beset by fears of bullies, thoughts of the perfect theme in school, and not sure, till we saw it, that your tongue would stick to the below zero medal post. Plus, most all of us had, and dreamed of having, a BB Gun.
Ralphie, of course, had the perfect BB Gun. Red Ryder, who's sidekick was Little Beaver, an early pair like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. And of course a Compass in the stock ( that probably always pointed towards the barrel, so what good was that? But, Wow!, a Compass! and a thing that told time. A sundial branded into the stock, and if you pointed the 12 O'clock at Noon, and put a stick at the center hole, would tell you the time on a sunny day. Every boys dream back in the 1950's.
If you ever want to make a cool million bucks, just write a story about the times of your youth, and everyone your age will want to buy a copy. And someone who makes movies will buy the rights to your story, for a song, and make even more money. Perhaps you should become a movie maker. Or a video game maker.
Thousands of possibilities.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Be Good and Go To Heaven
We should want to go to Heaven as soon as possible to be Happy forever.
Let's assume we like Hamburgers and PIzza. Good Assumption.
So, if we eat a lot of Hamburgers and Pizza, we'll end up in Heaven sooner, rather than later.
Then we can be happy, praise the Lord, and have all the hamburgers and pizza we want.
Sounds like a Win-Win scenario.
But, lets now assume tht there is no Heaven,
then we've had a lot of them here, and enjoyed them here in this, the one and only life.
Again, Win, and then nothing..
But what if there is a Heaven and we Don't eat burgers and pizza.
Then we lose while on Earth, but win in Heaven.
So it's a
Lose, Win scenario.
Looks like the best way, to me, is to eat them here, and hope there is one after our time is done.
Just My Humble Opinion.
Let's assume we like Hamburgers and PIzza. Good Assumption.
So, if we eat a lot of Hamburgers and Pizza, we'll end up in Heaven sooner, rather than later.
Then we can be happy, praise the Lord, and have all the hamburgers and pizza we want.
Sounds like a Win-Win scenario.
But, lets now assume tht there is no Heaven,
then we've had a lot of them here, and enjoyed them here in this, the one and only life.
Again, Win, and then nothing..
But what if there is a Heaven and we Don't eat burgers and pizza.
Then we lose while on Earth, but win in Heaven.
So it's a
Lose, Win scenario.
Looks like the best way, to me, is to eat them here, and hope there is one after our time is done.
Just My Humble Opinion.
Is there a Hell ?
OK, let's ( for the sake of argument ) assume there is a Heaven and a Hell.
Who goes to Hell?
Well, probably really bad, bad, BAD guys. OK?
But who made them bad? Can't be their parents, else then Hell is full of Parents all the way back to the original parents, aka Adam and Eve. Cause according to the Bible, one of their kids was a bad, bad, BAD guy. Cain and Able. Remember that story?
So, they must have made themselves bad. Free Will and all that.
So the Parents are probably in Heaven.
HOWEVER, Heaven is all happiness, all the time, no tears allowed, and how many Mom's wouldn't miss one of their kids if they were in Heaven?
They'd cry at least once, knowing that their kid was down in Hell.
So, with people willing to forgive the most heinous crimes, (Mothers in Uganda forgiving the soldiers who killed their husbands and children), surely God must be willing to forgive.
So, it seems that perhaps there is NO One in Hell... or everyone is in Hell.
So... who knows if there really is a Heaven or a Hell?
Who goes to Hell?
Well, probably really bad, bad, BAD guys. OK?
But who made them bad? Can't be their parents, else then Hell is full of Parents all the way back to the original parents, aka Adam and Eve. Cause according to the Bible, one of their kids was a bad, bad, BAD guy. Cain and Able. Remember that story?
So, they must have made themselves bad. Free Will and all that.
So the Parents are probably in Heaven.
HOWEVER, Heaven is all happiness, all the time, no tears allowed, and how many Mom's wouldn't miss one of their kids if they were in Heaven?
They'd cry at least once, knowing that their kid was down in Hell.
So, with people willing to forgive the most heinous crimes, (Mothers in Uganda forgiving the soldiers who killed their husbands and children), surely God must be willing to forgive.
So, it seems that perhaps there is NO One in Hell... or everyone is in Hell.
So... who knows if there really is a Heaven or a Hell?
Musical Movies
OK, favorite musical movies..
Harold and Maude with Cat Stevens.
Jesus Christ Superstar
Was wondering how the "Von Trapp Family Singers" would have survived the next 20+ years without "The Sound of Music" ?
More later.
Harold and Maude with Cat Stevens.
Jesus Christ Superstar
Was wondering how the "Von Trapp Family Singers" would have survived the next 20+ years without "The Sound of Music" ?
More later.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Perseverance - The Aligator in the Zoo
BE KIND TO THE ALLIGATOR!
We went for a school trip to the local zoo when I was stationed in the Midwest. I can't say the name of the base, cause once you get On It, you can't get Off It.
Anyway there is a world class zoo nearby, with a lot of money from Mutual of Omaha, but I can't say where the zoo is, because they may get upset about what I'm about to tell you.
Anyway, we had a bunch of eager 12 and 13 year olds, and as we were going through the entrance, each kid wanted a bag of peanuts. So we bought a bunch of bags of peanuts and headed out to see the zoo.
Soon we came to a nice concrete pond, and in it was an alligator, who just layed in his small pond and watched the people go by, day in, day out.
Now the 12 year boys, being boys, started throwing peanuts at the alligator, trying to hit him on his nose.
"Bobby! Hit him in the nose!", said Jack.
"Come on Anderson, you can't hit nothing!", said Frank.
But the alligator just lay there, calm and peaceful, with peanuts bouncing off his head, and wrote down their names.
'Cause he knew, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day... some day... the caretaker who cleaned out the pond would one day forget to lock the gate.
Then he'd get out, go to the nearest phone booth and look up their names to see where the little boys lived.
Then, ... Then... Then he'd get even.
We went for a school trip to the local zoo when I was stationed in the Midwest. I can't say the name of the base, cause once you get On It, you can't get Off It.
Anyway there is a world class zoo nearby, with a lot of money from Mutual of Omaha, but I can't say where the zoo is, because they may get upset about what I'm about to tell you.
Anyway, we had a bunch of eager 12 and 13 year olds, and as we were going through the entrance, each kid wanted a bag of peanuts. So we bought a bunch of bags of peanuts and headed out to see the zoo.
Soon we came to a nice concrete pond, and in it was an alligator, who just layed in his small pond and watched the people go by, day in, day out.
Now the 12 year boys, being boys, started throwing peanuts at the alligator, trying to hit him on his nose.
"Bobby! Hit him in the nose!", said Jack.
"Come on Anderson, you can't hit nothing!", said Frank.
But the alligator just lay there, calm and peaceful, with peanuts bouncing off his head, and wrote down their names.
'Cause he knew, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day... some day... the caretaker who cleaned out the pond would one day forget to lock the gate.
Then he'd get out, go to the nearest phone booth and look up their names to see where the little boys lived.
Then, ... Then... Then he'd get even.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
A Few Heroes
Some of My Heroes
Captain Jack Sparrow
Harold and Maude,
Cat Stevens and all his good works, both with and without the Guitar.
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart - Never Give Up. Never Surrender.
Nancy
Christie
Trisha
Brian
Jack
TBD
and the weird people in my life,
Marc, who fought the demon for 15 years, then kept it at bay for another 15 years, and is now back in Heaven,
swimming in the park in Wahpeton, where we all grew up.
Captain Jack Sparrow
Harold and Maude,
Cat Stevens and all his good works, both with and without the Guitar.
Commander Peter Quincy Taggart - Never Give Up. Never Surrender.
Nancy
Christie
Trisha
Brian
Jack
TBD
and the weird people in my life,
Marc, who fought the demon for 15 years, then kept it at bay for another 15 years, and is now back in Heaven,
swimming in the park in Wahpeton, where we all grew up.
Rhyming Words at Christmas Time
Eskimos and Knows
as in
Johnny Mathis, singing....
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said
Many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you.
Merry Christmas, Everyone.
as in
Johnny Mathis, singing....
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yule-tide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.
Everybody knows a turkey
And some mistletoe,
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys
And goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer
Really know how to fly.
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said
Many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you.
Merry Christmas, Everyone.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Tax Advice
Each day on my way to work, I stop off at a 7-11 just outside our housing development. Every day, rain or shine, hot or cold, there stands "Buddy." I'm not sure if that's his real name, but every time I walk into the store I say, "Hi Buddy!" and I toss him a quarter. He always looked well groomed, but obviously unemployed and asking for money outside the store.
About April 10th, I was on my way to work, and was about to toss him another quarter, and he said, "Ah - thank you sir, but I've found a better method. If you just write me a check for 25 cents a day for the 280 work days you come in here, you can take it off on your taxes as a charitable contribution. All I need is a check for about $70, and you don't have to remember the quarter each day, and I don't have to stand here in the rain and cold or hot weather. And best of all, you get a deduction on your upcoming taxes."
Well, I went in the store, bought my coffee and donut, and was standing at the counter writing out the check for $70. The clerk said, "Are you writing a check for Buddy outside?"
"Yes," I said, "it's a tax break for me and makes it easier for him."
"Oh, No." She said, " He doesn't have a Tax ID, and is not a charitable institution. The IRS will not allow it, and more than likely you will get audited."
"Oh my! " I said and put my checkbook away.
On my way out of the store, there stood Buddy, and I really laid into him, explaining that he was deceiving people, and had better stop the tax break routine. I ended it with this admonition to him:
"Buddy, don't put all your begs into one ask-it!"
About April 10th, I was on my way to work, and was about to toss him another quarter, and he said, "Ah - thank you sir, but I've found a better method. If you just write me a check for 25 cents a day for the 280 work days you come in here, you can take it off on your taxes as a charitable contribution. All I need is a check for about $70, and you don't have to remember the quarter each day, and I don't have to stand here in the rain and cold or hot weather. And best of all, you get a deduction on your upcoming taxes."
Well, I went in the store, bought my coffee and donut, and was standing at the counter writing out the check for $70. The clerk said, "Are you writing a check for Buddy outside?"
"Yes," I said, "it's a tax break for me and makes it easier for him."
"Oh, No." She said, " He doesn't have a Tax ID, and is not a charitable institution. The IRS will not allow it, and more than likely you will get audited."
"Oh my! " I said and put my checkbook away.
On my way out of the store, there stood Buddy, and I really laid into him, explaining that he was deceiving people, and had better stop the tax break routine. I ended it with this admonition to him:
"Buddy, don't put all your begs into one ask-it!"
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Penguin Joke
I heard this on the Prairie Home Companion on NPR on Saturday, June 24th, 2006. When they were broadcasting in Salt Lake City, Utah. [With my apologies, but it was so great]
Once upon a time, (actually everything that happens, happens at some upon a time or another)… but I digress…
Once upon a time there was this standup comic named Frank, and he was pretty good. So he was doing a standup gig in San Francisco, and he was on a tour with a group of comics out of New York. He was especially good at telling penguin jokes.
One of his jokes was about two penguins that are sitting on an iceberg.
One penguin says, “It looks like you’re wearing a tuxedo.”
And the other penguin says, “How do you know I’m not?”
Anyway, it just happened that there was a cruise director in the audience and the cruise director thought Frank was pretty funny. So he offered him a job as the warm up act on the cruise line on a trip to America Samoa. $400 a day, and free room and board. Well, of course Frank said “Yes!”, and got a job on a cruise line as one of the warmup acts for the show. So they booked him onto a medium sized cruise ship that was taking a bunch of rich Californians off to the Samoa Islands.
So, off sails the ship and that night Frank got up on stage and he starts out his act with this joke.
“Why are we all going to America Samoa?”
And the audience goes, “I don’t know, why?”
And Frank says, “So you can all spend Samoa Money!”
Well, that joke didn’t go over so well, so then he told his favorite Penguin joke. Well, that one hit the spot and everyone starts laughing, especially one rather large man in the front row, and he started out laughing, and laughing, and then laughing so hard he started to cry and then he collapsed onto the floor and went into cardiac arrest. Well, the crew responded quickly, and stabilized him, but they had to request a helicopter ambulance from the Coast Guard, to take the man off the ship for further medical care, so they flew him over to a nearby island and to the nearest hospital.
Well, the ship’s Captain and the cruise director were both very upset and they explained to Frank that they liked him, but just couldn't afford all the helicopters and emergency medical expenses, so they had to let him go, and bought out his contract and dropped him off at their next port of call enroute to America Samoa.
So Frank was stuck on this little rinky-dinky island for 3 days till he could catch a tramp steamer on its way to San Francisco. So to wile away his time, he went for a walk around the small island, and was talking to himself and practicing his jokes.
Frank came upon a flock of sheep and stood by the fence looking at them and decided to work on his favorite penguin joke. Unbeknown to him, one of the locals was playing with her new video camera and was filming this weird guy talking to the sheep.
So he told his penguin joke to the sheep, and then the1y started going crazy…. Baaa BAA BAAA , BAA BAA BAA… and it was like they were laughing at the joke. Then the sheep ran over to the edge of their pen and started going Baa, Baa to the pig, and the pig went nuts with GRUNT, GRUNNT, GRRUUUNT like it was laughing, and then the pig went over to the Horse and started grunting and grunting and the Horse went WHINNIE, WHIIINNIE, WHIINIE like it was laughing.
Then the horse went across his pasture and over to the cows and started telling the joke to the cows, and the cows went MOO, MOOOO, MOOOOO, and they all laughed so hard that milk came out of their noses.
Well, all this ended up on the videotape, but Frank didn’t notice. He went back to the port to wait for the ship.
So about 2 days later the tramp steamer came into port and Frank got on to get back to San Francisco. Well, about a day later out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean a huge storm came up and tossed the ship every which way and finally the ship broke in half and Frank found himself as the only survivor swimming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Then it got worse. He got swallowed by a whale, and spent 3 weeks in the belly of the whale and finally got spat up on an unknown shore. Well, he had no idea where he was, but he saw some people off in the distance and started running towards them. They in turn started shooting at him. He raises his arms and they surround him. It turns out he was on the shore of Iraq and was captured by some local militia. But as they’re capturing him, one of them says, “Hey, you’re the guy in the video with the cow with the milk coming out of her nose!”
Well, Frank goes, “Huh?” and they tell him about this video that is all over the internet with this unknown guy telling a joke to some sheep, and the sheep tell it to the pigs and … (well, you know the story).
So they take Frank to the border with Kuwait, and he gets a ride down to Kuwait City and from there a flight to London, and from there to New York City.
As he arrives at customs in the USA, without a passport, the Customs Agents are looking at him, and there is something familiar about him and so they start checking their Terrorist Photo Book, because they know they’ve seen him before, and then it hits them…. He’s the guy in the Video with the Sheep and the Cow and the milk coming out of her nose. Well they welcome him back to the States and allow him to pass through. Then he catches a flight to SFO, because he just happened to have his money belt on him when he got paid by the cruise line. Being an actor/stand up comic, he didn’t have a bank account, of course.
So Frank gets home, and he has dozens of letters and messages on his phone answering machine to call these various book publishers and TV shows. They all want him to do a Penguin Book for them. You know, pictures of penguins with little balloons with stupid sayings above their heads.
So Frank makes a deal with Penguin Books to do TWO books. One for them, and another so he can tell the story of his adventure from the shipwreck, etc. But the catch is that he has to have the sayings for the penguins done by Tuesday so they can print 20 million copies and get them to the bookstores while it’s still fresh in everyone’s mind.
Oh, gosh, … only 2 days to come up with 100 stupid sayings… Well, Frank comes up with 50 rather fast, but he just can’t think of 50 more, so he goes off to take a break and decides to take a walk around town. As he’s going along, he comes to the Zoo and decides to spend a few hours in the Zoo getting ideas for the book.
While at the Zoo he comes upon the penguin display and asks the caretaker if he can just go inside, sit in the side where no one will see him, and just sit and watch the penguins and try to think up some stupid sayings for the book.
Well, the caretaker recognizes him and says, “Hey, you're the guy with the penguin joke and the cow with milk coming out of her nose. Well, sure, just knock on the door when you want out.”
So he lets Frank in, give his his parka, and Frank sits back on a rock out of sight of the visitors and watches the penguins. He's getting some great ideas, and is writing them down.
Well, pretty soon, a penguin waddles on over and starts going “ Honk, Honk, Hooonk !!!” and putting his flipper up by his nose.
“What?” , says Frank.
“Honk, Honk, Honk!” goes the penguin, and all the time tapping its flipper to his nose.
“Oh, my gosh,” says, Frank, “have you seen the video too?”
“Honk, Honk!” says the penguin, and he turns his head sideways and sort-of smiles.
The penguin starts honking like crazy and pokes his flipper in Frank’s hand like he’s trying to write something. Then he goes “Honk, Honk”, and Frank finely figures out that he’s trying to tell a Knock, Knock joke.
“Honk, Honk!” goes the penguin.
“Who’s There?”, says Frank.
And the penguin grunts this word, “Fornication”
Frank smiles and says… “Fornication who?”
And the penguin says,” Fornication like this, you should be wearing a tuxedo.”
Once upon a time, (actually everything that happens, happens at some upon a time or another)… but I digress…
Once upon a time there was this standup comic named Frank, and he was pretty good. So he was doing a standup gig in San Francisco, and he was on a tour with a group of comics out of New York. He was especially good at telling penguin jokes.
One of his jokes was about two penguins that are sitting on an iceberg.
One penguin says, “It looks like you’re wearing a tuxedo.”
And the other penguin says, “How do you know I’m not?”
Anyway, it just happened that there was a cruise director in the audience and the cruise director thought Frank was pretty funny. So he offered him a job as the warm up act on the cruise line on a trip to America Samoa. $400 a day, and free room and board. Well, of course Frank said “Yes!”, and got a job on a cruise line as one of the warmup acts for the show. So they booked him onto a medium sized cruise ship that was taking a bunch of rich Californians off to the Samoa Islands.
So, off sails the ship and that night Frank got up on stage and he starts out his act with this joke.
“Why are we all going to America Samoa?”
And the audience goes, “I don’t know, why?”
And Frank says, “So you can all spend Samoa Money!”
Well, that joke didn’t go over so well, so then he told his favorite Penguin joke. Well, that one hit the spot and everyone starts laughing, especially one rather large man in the front row, and he started out laughing, and laughing, and then laughing so hard he started to cry and then he collapsed onto the floor and went into cardiac arrest. Well, the crew responded quickly, and stabilized him, but they had to request a helicopter ambulance from the Coast Guard, to take the man off the ship for further medical care, so they flew him over to a nearby island and to the nearest hospital.
Well, the ship’s Captain and the cruise director were both very upset and they explained to Frank that they liked him, but just couldn't afford all the helicopters and emergency medical expenses, so they had to let him go, and bought out his contract and dropped him off at their next port of call enroute to America Samoa.
So Frank was stuck on this little rinky-dinky island for 3 days till he could catch a tramp steamer on its way to San Francisco. So to wile away his time, he went for a walk around the small island, and was talking to himself and practicing his jokes.
Frank came upon a flock of sheep and stood by the fence looking at them and decided to work on his favorite penguin joke. Unbeknown to him, one of the locals was playing with her new video camera and was filming this weird guy talking to the sheep.
So he told his penguin joke to the sheep, and then the1y started going crazy…. Baaa BAA BAAA , BAA BAA BAA… and it was like they were laughing at the joke. Then the sheep ran over to the edge of their pen and started going Baa, Baa to the pig, and the pig went nuts with GRUNT, GRUNNT, GRRUUUNT like it was laughing, and then the pig went over to the Horse and started grunting and grunting and the Horse went WHINNIE, WHIIINNIE, WHIINIE like it was laughing.
Then the horse went across his pasture and over to the cows and started telling the joke to the cows, and the cows went MOO, MOOOO, MOOOOO, and they all laughed so hard that milk came out of their noses.
Well, all this ended up on the videotape, but Frank didn’t notice. He went back to the port to wait for the ship.
So about 2 days later the tramp steamer came into port and Frank got on to get back to San Francisco. Well, about a day later out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean a huge storm came up and tossed the ship every which way and finally the ship broke in half and Frank found himself as the only survivor swimming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Then it got worse. He got swallowed by a whale, and spent 3 weeks in the belly of the whale and finally got spat up on an unknown shore. Well, he had no idea where he was, but he saw some people off in the distance and started running towards them. They in turn started shooting at him. He raises his arms and they surround him. It turns out he was on the shore of Iraq and was captured by some local militia. But as they’re capturing him, one of them says, “Hey, you’re the guy in the video with the cow with the milk coming out of her nose!”
Well, Frank goes, “Huh?” and they tell him about this video that is all over the internet with this unknown guy telling a joke to some sheep, and the sheep tell it to the pigs and … (well, you know the story).
So they take Frank to the border with Kuwait, and he gets a ride down to Kuwait City and from there a flight to London, and from there to New York City.
As he arrives at customs in the USA, without a passport, the Customs Agents are looking at him, and there is something familiar about him and so they start checking their Terrorist Photo Book, because they know they’ve seen him before, and then it hits them…. He’s the guy in the Video with the Sheep and the Cow and the milk coming out of her nose. Well they welcome him back to the States and allow him to pass through. Then he catches a flight to SFO, because he just happened to have his money belt on him when he got paid by the cruise line. Being an actor/stand up comic, he didn’t have a bank account, of course.
So Frank gets home, and he has dozens of letters and messages on his phone answering machine to call these various book publishers and TV shows. They all want him to do a Penguin Book for them. You know, pictures of penguins with little balloons with stupid sayings above their heads.
So Frank makes a deal with Penguin Books to do TWO books. One for them, and another so he can tell the story of his adventure from the shipwreck, etc. But the catch is that he has to have the sayings for the penguins done by Tuesday so they can print 20 million copies and get them to the bookstores while it’s still fresh in everyone’s mind.
Oh, gosh, … only 2 days to come up with 100 stupid sayings… Well, Frank comes up with 50 rather fast, but he just can’t think of 50 more, so he goes off to take a break and decides to take a walk around town. As he’s going along, he comes to the Zoo and decides to spend a few hours in the Zoo getting ideas for the book.
While at the Zoo he comes upon the penguin display and asks the caretaker if he can just go inside, sit in the side where no one will see him, and just sit and watch the penguins and try to think up some stupid sayings for the book.
Well, the caretaker recognizes him and says, “Hey, you're the guy with the penguin joke and the cow with milk coming out of her nose. Well, sure, just knock on the door when you want out.”
So he lets Frank in, give his his parka, and Frank sits back on a rock out of sight of the visitors and watches the penguins. He's getting some great ideas, and is writing them down.
Well, pretty soon, a penguin waddles on over and starts going “ Honk, Honk, Hooonk !!!” and putting his flipper up by his nose.
“What?” , says Frank.
“Honk, Honk, Honk!” goes the penguin, and all the time tapping its flipper to his nose.
“Oh, my gosh,” says, Frank, “have you seen the video too?”
“Honk, Honk!” says the penguin, and he turns his head sideways and sort-of smiles.
The penguin starts honking like crazy and pokes his flipper in Frank’s hand like he’s trying to write something. Then he goes “Honk, Honk”, and Frank finely figures out that he’s trying to tell a Knock, Knock joke.
“Honk, Honk!” goes the penguin.
“Who’s There?”, says Frank.
And the penguin grunts this word, “Fornication”
Frank smiles and says… “Fornication who?”
And the penguin says,” Fornication like this, you should be wearing a tuxedo.”
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Ramblin' Thoughts
1. Glad Obama won.
2. Was really worried that he wouldn't. It was close, but he pulled it out with excellent organization on HIS Part.
3. Bush really screwed up America, and with it, the world.
2. Was really worried that he wouldn't. It was close, but he pulled it out with excellent organization on HIS Part.
3. Bush really screwed up America, and with it, the world.
Dumplin' Soup
Grandma's Dumplin' Soup
Great for a stormy day.
This is the mimimum… you can add more as you wish. (Adding frozen corn or frozen green beans is possible, but that changes the flavor slightly. Not bad… just different. I make it in a big spaghetti pot, and it should be able to serve over a dozen friends.
1 piece of Round Steak or Chuck Steak, about 1 pound or so.
2 Onions diced up.( I prefer one big vadalia onion.)
8 or more sticks of Celery chopped up.
2 [ 28 Oz ] large cans of PLUM Tomatoes (diced, crushed, or just whole... any is good, plum tomatos seem a bit sweeter, and then cut them up before adding. )
½ cup of Pearled Barley
2 Cups of Frozen Peas
2 Cups of chopped Carrots (or real one's , peeled, sliced and diced)
1 or 2 Bay leaves (Remove before making dumplins)
Worcestershire Sauce and or A-1 Sauce [ I do a little of both. ]
Celery Salt spice.
and the Dumplin's need
1 Egg
1 Cup of Milk
a bit more than 2 cups of Flour
Chop up Onions and celery and brown in large pot with a little oil.
(Canola, Olive or whatever... doesn't matter)
While that's browning, cut up steak into cubes.
Trim off Fat as large pieces, and put into the pot,
as this adds adds flavor and can be taken out near the end.
Add steak to pot... and brown along with the celery and onions.
Add a few shakes of Worcestershire and/or A-1 Sauce
When done, fish out the Big Fat Pieces and toss them or give to the critters outside if it's winter.
(They add lots of flavor as it cooks, but are tough to chew. :-) )
Add Cans of Tomatoes, and 4 full cans of water.
[ as I usually do 2 Cans of Plum Tomatoes, but then I make a BIG pot of this stuff ]
Bring to boil and reduce heat.
Add 2 cups or more of Peas
Add 2 cups or more of chopped Carrots
Shake a lot of Celery Salt into it.
Add a Large Bay Leaf.... so you can see it to fish it out later.
Add Pearled Barley,
Let simmer for an hour or more.
Fish out the Bay Leaf and let it simmer some more.
Add water if needed.
More Guests ? Add More Water.
Let it simmer for about 2 hours.
About 20 minutes before serving, make Dumplings
1 Egg
1 Cup of Milk
Stir together.
Add 2 Cups of Flour,
And stir together. (You may have to add a tad more flour)
Once it's like Bread dough, scoop out small chunks with a large spoon, and add to the soup.
They will sink, and then as they get done, they will rise.
Sprinkle in some more celery salt, serve and leave the shaker on the table for the guests to add to their own bowl of soup, too.
NOTE: THIS FREEZES VERY WELL IN PLASTIC CONTAINERS OR ZIPLOCK BAGS.
LEAVE A BIT OF ROOM FOR EXPANSION AS IT EXPANDS AS IT FREEZES.
Keeps for several months! MMM
Great for a stormy day.
This is the mimimum… you can add more as you wish. (Adding frozen corn or frozen green beans is possible, but that changes the flavor slightly. Not bad… just different. I make it in a big spaghetti pot, and it should be able to serve over a dozen friends.
1 piece of Round Steak or Chuck Steak, about 1 pound or so.
2 Onions diced up.( I prefer one big vadalia onion.)
8 or more sticks of Celery chopped up.
2 [ 28 Oz ] large cans of PLUM Tomatoes (diced, crushed, or just whole... any is good, plum tomatos seem a bit sweeter, and then cut them up before adding. )
½ cup of Pearled Barley
2 Cups of Frozen Peas
2 Cups of chopped Carrots (or real one's , peeled, sliced and diced)
1 or 2 Bay leaves (Remove before making dumplins)
Worcestershire Sauce and or A-1 Sauce [ I do a little of both. ]
Celery Salt spice.
and the Dumplin's need
1 Egg
1 Cup of Milk
a bit more than 2 cups of Flour
Chop up Onions and celery and brown in large pot with a little oil.
(Canola, Olive or whatever... doesn't matter)
While that's browning, cut up steak into cubes.
Trim off Fat as large pieces, and put into the pot,
as this adds adds flavor and can be taken out near the end.
Add steak to pot... and brown along with the celery and onions.
Add a few shakes of Worcestershire and/or A-1 Sauce
When done, fish out the Big Fat Pieces and toss them or give to the critters outside if it's winter.
(They add lots of flavor as it cooks, but are tough to chew. :-) )
Add Cans of Tomatoes, and 4 full cans of water.
[ as I usually do 2 Cans of Plum Tomatoes, but then I make a BIG pot of this stuff ]
Bring to boil and reduce heat.
Add 2 cups or more of Peas
Add 2 cups or more of chopped Carrots
Shake a lot of Celery Salt into it.
Add a Large Bay Leaf.... so you can see it to fish it out later.
Add Pearled Barley,
Let simmer for an hour or more.
Fish out the Bay Leaf and let it simmer some more.
Add water if needed.
More Guests ? Add More Water.
Let it simmer for about 2 hours.
About 20 minutes before serving, make Dumplings
1 Egg
1 Cup of Milk
Stir together.
Add 2 Cups of Flour,
And stir together. (You may have to add a tad more flour)
Once it's like Bread dough, scoop out small chunks with a large spoon, and add to the soup.
They will sink, and then as they get done, they will rise.
Sprinkle in some more celery salt, serve and leave the shaker on the table for the guests to add to their own bowl of soup, too.
NOTE: THIS FREEZES VERY WELL IN PLASTIC CONTAINERS OR ZIPLOCK BAGS.
LEAVE A BIT OF ROOM FOR EXPANSION AS IT EXPANDS AS IT FREEZES.
Keeps for several months! MMM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Weather, Too
"GrandPa, why did you become a meteorologist?", said Jack.
GrandPa said, "So I could look into a girl's eyes and tell whether."
From an old friend who said it came for an old Tony Curtis movie called "Operation Gobi".
GrandPa said, "So I could look into a girl's eyes and tell whether."
From an old friend who said it came for an old Tony Curtis movie called "Operation Gobi".
Weather and the universe of stock markets
"Ya don't need a Weather Man to know which way the wind blows."
- Bob Dylan aka Robert Zimmerman, from beautiful downtown Hibbing, MN.
You should be able to see the political climate changing.
You should be able to see the financial climate changing.
... Oh, and remember,
"Red sky in morning, sailor takes warning.
Red sky at night, sailor's delight."
Has to do with the clear sky between the observer and the raising Sun.
Weather patterns have finite clear spans, so if it's off to your east, then SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES from the West.
If a clear span to the west, then rest easy for the next 8 to 12 hours.
Good Night, Sleep Tight.
- Bob Dylan aka Robert Zimmerman, from beautiful downtown Hibbing, MN.
You should be able to see the political climate changing.
You should be able to see the financial climate changing.
... Oh, and remember,
"Red sky in morning, sailor takes warning.
Red sky at night, sailor's delight."
Has to do with the clear sky between the observer and the raising Sun.
Weather patterns have finite clear spans, so if it's off to your east, then SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES from the West.
If a clear span to the west, then rest easy for the next 8 to 12 hours.
Good Night, Sleep Tight.
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